River 5
Grace
Noah's  Ark 1994

~~~~~~dream~~~~~~

My sister and I are in the kitchen preparing some dishes for visitors, including my friend, Jacquie, and my father’s nieces. We are preparing some sweets from leftovers, including a trifle pudding in a large rectangular tray and another dish with fresh grapes. We place both into the fridge until the guests arrive. There is no main course.

We go outside to look up at the night sky and it is amazing! There are dots and larger circular lights floating across the sky, shooting stars, and a red star that shines bright and then just vanishes, which I figure is a UFO. Then we see some amazing configurations of lines and curves that seem mathematically significant. Some remind me of crop circles, even though they aren’t the normal crop circle shapes, because they have a similar feeling. Were these messages from the heavens? Or from Gods?

As we follow these symbols with our eyes, they lead us to a series of markings in the sky that are like the hull of a large ancient ship, like a gigantic Noah’s Ark in the sky! Although I am only seeing its underside, I have X-ray vision and can see its entire structure and can perceive it in three dimensions. It is a gigantic formation in the heavens.

This is an awesome feeling and, to top it off, a godlike, masculine, energetic, white light arm emerges from the hull of this vessel and reaches down towards my sister and me. This light fills me up and changes me with the full force of its presence. I can almost hear its booming voice. This feels like it’s really happening and it’s something I’ve never felt before. My sister and I look at each other, flabbergasted and shaken, not knowing what to do next, in fact quite afraid.

My sister turns to the TV screen where an Egyptian/Middle Eastern man is announcing something. His vibes are evil, emerging from within the TV and entering her being. I’m shocked and scared that this has happened with no warning so soon after our being surprised by the heavenly initiation. I rush towards her and do an aura cleanse of her by flicking all the negative energies off her etheric body with my hands.

Jacquie and her friends are ready to leave and we go out to say goodbye. She’ll be staying with her new boyfriend and I wonder if he’s American, but I think she met him in the desert back in Australia. She looks much the same, with hippie clothes and vibes. Actually I want to join them down the hill at a cafe that sells fresh yummy desserts and cakes. Also, my sister and her husband and baby in the pram are ready to leave, too. They have decided to stay overnight at a nearby motel because it is too noisy and crowded in this house for the baby to get enough rest. So I show Jacquie the baby and walk with them down the road a bit.

~~~~~~

I had been living on the Gold Coast since January 1994, endeavouring to eke out a lifestyle and income that suited my personality. I was struggling to overcome some long standing health imbalances particularly associated with a familial blood and liver condition. I was also making slow progress in resolving issues around parents, childhood and my current estranged relationship with a partner of four and a half years.

In general my life was comfortable but not really peaceful or fulfilling. For the first time I was experiencing some degree of stability and contentment about my current situation instead of being preoccupied with an obsessive desire to be somewhere else in the world where I may feel better. Something was missing though.

I have had numerous dreams in which entities in the heavens in the form of animated constellations of stars would communicate to me in sound, light, symbols and movements. I perceived these as constituting cosmically significant knowledge. This dream was different. Its impact lay in its deeply profound experiential nature in which I felt that I had actually been infused by the Light of God. I was convinced beyond doubt for the first time in my life that there is a creative force out there in the universe that oversees the happenings here on this planet. The other details at the beginning and end of the dream paled into insignificance compared to this event.

A second very experiential ‘dream’ combined with this one to trigger changes in my life. It was an experience of healing and transforming my being/body through space and time, spanning backwards and forwards for eons in the presence of another being.

The main step that I took following this dream occurred six weeks later when I met a woman at Bond University who offered to give me light from her hand. I was impressed by her vibes and by the fact that at last I had met someone who was obviously a ‘light worker’ in New Age terms who had the guts to actually say that she gave light! So I took her up on her offer and went to receive light from her shortly afterwards. She belonged to a group which originated in Japan in 1959 as a result of some ‘divinely channelled inspirations’ through a man. When I shared my dream with this lady, she showed me a photo on the wall of her office. Lo and behold, it was a Japanese building with its roof in the shape of Noah’s Ark! In fact, she told me that the members of this group were told by God to design and build this temple in those exact specifications to enshrine the energy of God on earth.

Subtle changes in my inner and outer life since then have been caused by realisations about painful experiences in my childhood - actually feeling those otherwise suppressed emotions, and relating them to the constant level of anxiety and fear that I have been having, particularly in the last year and a half during which I did not feel loved and wanted by my partner. I had to deal with feelings of disgust and repulsion by the smell of cigarettes on his body, a loathing of sexual intimacy in both his home and mine, and fear of being lied to and betrayed by the one person that I had trusted and loved most and who I thought had offered the same for the past four and a half years.

These anxieties led me to consult a psychic medium who brought forth the spirit of my late maternal grandmother, who I was very close to as a child. She died in 1991 before I had the chance to ask her about events in my life from the age of three and half to six. During those years I had lived with her while my parents were away in London. My grandmother confirmed through the psychic, that I was sexually abused by her son. He was, and still is, a schizophrenic chain-smoker who also paid very little attention to this physical hygiene.

She also mentioned that many of these sexually abusive experiences were perceived by me as dreams, which explains to me why I used to be terrified of falling asleep as a child, even in my late primary school years. I also remember that, as a child, I used to feel really weird for having strange dreams of women being probed by metal instruments, like in an experiment of concentration camp situation. Goodness knows how a pre-school or primary school age child would be aware of such situations.

All of the above had never been mentioned to any member of my family before. That same night, I revealed it to my mother. We have since been writing to each other and I will be visiting her and my father in early 1995. This has opened up a set of family and extended family dynamics which I am yet to fully integrate and deal with. I have since also experienced a bit more love, empathy and support from and for my parents. In particular, I feel less resentful of my mother’s ways of relating to my father, and have been able to perceive her as being a strong rather than weak woman within her marriage. I have also become curious about her childhood history, since sexual abuse is often a multi-generational occurrence. We will be consulting a family therapist and exploring our family tree and its patterns when I visit them in Melbourne.

There has also been much turbulence, power struggles and anger in my current relationship and a reunion/reconciliation with some friends and friends of the family since that time.

I suppose the biggest decisions made as a result of this dream were internal more than external. They included my establishing a commitment to myself to drop any states of non-peace between myself and family members and friends with whom I had previously held much resentment. The issues of abandonment, betrayal of trust and suppression of intense emotional pain have really come forward for me to heal. These include many situations from the age of nineteen to twenty-eight in which I had felt out of control with men, and powerless to say no to their sexual advances. I felt a lack of boundaries or ability to know what was good versus what was an abusive situation. Also I was aware of a general lack of ability by my parents to be there for me emotionally or even physically. I understood this to be due to their unconscious fears for my wellbeing triggering possible guilt for not being there to protect me when I was very young.

As well as the commitment to start healing these issues, a further change was trusting more in the grace and love in universal/god forces that play a large part in my life. I even started daily thanksgiving and other prayers to consciously communicate with this newfound god-force, and a few miracles have occurred since then.

Since receiving the healing light, my general energy levels have definitely improved, along with my ability to handle stress and to give to others and enjoy life. The main physical stress throughout 1994 was constant tension in my back and, more recently, actual pain in various areas of my spine, usually in the mid-back region. The muscles on both sides of my spine are usually tense and sore. My digestion had also been temperamental for the past year and a half. About the same time that I consulted the psychic, in early October, my naturopath friend diagnosed that many of my back and digestive problems were due to a parasite in my digestive tract. Using kinesiology, the specific parasite was identified and remedy prescribed to purge it from my body. This was a fine physical metaphor for what I was going through on other levels. Since then, my digestion has definitely improved, but I still have a tense and sore back.

Due to the remarkable synchronicities that came about as a result of the very definite symbols in the dream, I will be attending a three-day initiation seminar with the group mentioned which transmits this ‘True Light of God’. After this I will also be able to transmit this light to others.

I have also been going to a child abuse counsellor weekly for help through these times. My parents have suggested I see a psychotherapist and are willing to pay for the sessions, but I have yet to find one that I feel good about. I prefer right now to rely on my own discoveries and the support and nourishment provided by my ever-widening circle of like-minded and occasionally like-experienced friends.

Postscript

My visit to Melbourne was a really big healing time for all my family, most dramatically in the form of my mother having a tumorous piece of colon surgically removed at the same time that I was at the family therapist! On my return to the Gold Coast, I feel quite different. Having now forged a stronger link with all family members, especially Mum, I feel like it’s okay now to grow up as a woman. Mum revealed to me that my Grandma had confided in her about my uncle’s tendencies.

In many ways a heavy weight was lifted from me by sharing my childhood phobias with Mum and Dad and through Mum revealing some of her own lifelong fears and insecurities to me. At this point in time I am still feeing very fragile: the tender inner child which is still abandoned and hurt requires much ‘TLC’ and nurturing, which at times I am at a loss to offer. I notice I am slowly changing many stubborn patterns of thought and action as I become more and more conscious about their roles as defences against feeling my pain.

Jane’s Interpretation

Grace’s dream opens as she is preparing trifle, but no main course. Grace probably felt, around the time of this dream, that she was involved in the ‘trifles’ of daily existence, neither contributing to, nor being nurtured by, a more substantially fulfilling ‘main course’ life. Perhaps she lacked a ‘main course’ (main direction) and tried to make up for it with short-lived treats (sweet desserts). In the dream, Grace is preparing food for her friend Jacquie. When Jacquie appears in Grace’s dream, she is there to represent an aspect of Grace. In other words, Grace feeds and fuels the ‘Jacquie-like’ part of herself with trifling matters and details.

In complete contrast to her involvement with life’s trifles, she then walks outside to view the night sky and touches upon the vastness of life: the main course she lacks, perhaps? She sees a greater significance and pattern to life (symbolised by the mathematically significant star patterns). The UFO probably represents untouched, mysterious parts of herself and her universe, as yet ‘unidentified’ and seemingly out of reach. Indeed, she wonders whether these are messages from the heavens or from gods. Grace now sees the possibilities for main course purpose and sustenance: a greater meaning to life rather than mere trifles. Perched on the edge, facing the great mystery, what will she discover? Her greater self? God? Extra-terrestrial intelligence? So far in the dream she perceives only the fact that there is a greater significance to life and that it is time for her to explore this more fully. Whatever it is, it is truly gigantic and, as symbolised by the story of Noah’s Ark, it has the power to ensure self-survival and the promise of a new world: sunshine, peace and survival of the species after the rain and flood.

Until this dream, Grace’s interest in the cosmos had been on an intellectual level, even within her previous dreams, where she would objectively view cosmic patterns devoid of any associated subjective experience. This dream changed all that. Her dream of being touched by the white light of God was undoubtedly a spiritual experience reverberating at the physical, sensual level too. I believe that when we touch this spiritual reservoir we each interpret the ecstasy according to our individual notion of higher truth. We struggle for names, labels and doctrines, but we each circle the same spiritual truth. Grace returned from her dream with her own version which gave her life main course potential and purpose. For one moment in the dream, Grace was fearful of trusting herself to this new source of energy, as the TV and aura-cleanse episode shows. In encountering our greater self we must prepare to meet the good and the bad: the shadows as well as the sunshine.

With this realisation the dream closes as the characters set out on the next stage in their journey, just as Grace will continue on her waking life path. Jacquie (and the part of Grace that is Jacquie-like) is now forming a greater union (symbolised by moving in with the boyfriend). Grace feels they met in the desert. The desert represents a lack of emotional sustenance (water) as well as a generally deserted state of being. Perhaps we ultimately meet God, or our spiritual nature, through spending time in the symbolic desert, through mental, emotional or physical impoverishment. The dream baby symbolises the newborn spiritual promise which Grace will now nurture, and the dream suggests that she will find some space and peace away from the noisiness of life to do this.