Author

Subject: Incest....

-133-

07:29 05/03/2002 

This is a very uncomfortable and troubling issue, and very embarrassing to talk about.

I've had maybe 2 or 3 dreams about incest in my lifetime, spaced far apart, and I've experienced none for many years. I thought a lot about it, but didn't want to mention it to anyone until my friend told me that he also had dreams of incest.

My incest dreams feature my two sisters, one two years older, one four years younger. This is especially troubling for me, since I have never EVER (and would never) looked at, or thought of my sisters in that way.

My friend has two very young sisters, aged about 6 and 2. He too was very disturbed by his dreams, since he would never have thought of his sisters in that way in his conscious mind.

So why would we have sexual dreams about our sisters, when we would never ever think anything sexual about them while we're awake? It concerns me greatly, and has caused me to question myself aggressively. But of course, I have no control over my dreams.

Am I normal? Does this mean something else, or does it give insight into my psychosexual mind that I am completely unaware of (and quite frankly, disgusted with)?

Dream edited for easier reading - JT, 2005

Jane Teresa Anderson

09:10 05/03/2002 

Hi 133,

Firstly, your dream is of a kind that many people have experienced, though, as you have discovered, most people do not divulge such information for fear of what this kind of dream may reveal about them.

Sexual dreams are perfectly normal and frequently involve sex with people who we would never consider as sexual partners in waking life. Most common (after dreaming of sex with your waking life partner) is sex with someone you know from waking life who is unrelated to you, after that comes dream sex with dream characters (no-one you know in waking life), famous people (movie stars, politicians etc), family members (such as in your dreams).

Even more worrying (but equally as normal) for many people are dreams of having sex with a different sexed partner to their waking life preference or of finding themselves as having the sexual parts of the opposite sex (for example, a woman dreaming she has a penis).

Why is all this normal and why do so many people have these kind of dreams?

On the one hand dream sex can occur when your hormones dictate - a release of unfulfilled sexual desire. This may result in dream sex with your partner, someone you you find attractive and so on. Essentially these release dreams feature relatively normal sex - whatever normal is for you.

Much more common is the case where sex dreams are SYMBOLIC just as dreams of driving cars have nothing do to with driving cars, or dreams of eating food have nothing to do with huger or being on a diet.

Dreams are, first and foremost, symbolic. They are fairy-tale parallels to waking life situations in a way. (Think about it: most fairy tales have dark sides before they end in sweetness and light. They are moral tales ... how to handle life .. etc.)

So, with dream sex the quest is to find the waking life parallel to the dream sex story.

Sex, in waking life, is about union with another person. Sex can be great, good, average, dull, bad .... abusive ... rape etc. Sex in waking life at its best is about spiritual as well as physical intimacy - and at its worst is about violation and abuse. In waking life, sex is about union for good or for bad with another person, for fulfilling outcome or for harmful outcome.

In dreams it is most helpful to regard all the people in a dream as representing your own beliefs, feelings and experiences (consious and unconscious).

Your sister, in your dream 133, is NOT your waking life sister. She represents a belief you hold, or a certain quality, or an approach to life, or an experience....

To discover what she may represent to you:

Choose three words to describe your sister's (or each sister's) approach to life. Then three to describe her personality.

You may also wish to look at how you FELT in relationship to each sister (either when you were young, or now). For example, you may have felt ridiculed by an older sister, or responsible for a younger sister.

Somewhere in your description of your sister is a clue to what she represents in your dream.

Okay, so: dream sex is about union, and the person you are having the dream sex with is not a real person but is a belief or feeling of your own. So, in dream sex you are uniting with a belief or feeling.

As a general rule of thumb, if the dream sex is good, then the union (integration of a belief) is good. If the dream sex is bad, then the union is bad.

When you dream of having sex with someone you are most likely facing changes in your waking life involving bringing beliefs and feelings on board within yourself: integrating, becoming more whole (good sex) or growing in inappropriate ways (bad sex).

As a simple example, if you are having good dream sex with someone you think of as being trusting, then you are probably allowing yourself to be more trusting - integrating trust into your whole conscious self. If you are having bad dream sex with someone you think of as being spiteful, then you may be allowing unconscious spiteful beliefs into your life (your dream showing this is not good!)

If you are having good dream sex with someone you think of as being full of rage - how would you look at this? A seemingly 'bad' quality (rage) but good dream sex? This would be a case of bringing full awareness of your own supressed rage into your conscious mind - a readiness to own your rage, to feel it and to work out how to express it appropriately - to process it.

So, 133, that's a basic, if simplified, introduction to dream sex.

Looking back now, what do you think your sister or sisters may have represented for you in the days when you had the dreams (look to the age your sisters were in the dreams) and why do you think your dreams were showing some form of union here?

By the way, when actual incest has occurred, dreams rarely depict the incest. They deal with the subject in more highly abstract terms. The same tends to go for revealing more unusual patterns of your psychosexual mind.

Bottom line: dream sex is rarely to do with sex.

Feel free to post your reply, in anonimity here 133. As you can imagine, your reply will help others in similar circumstances.

In dream sight,

Jane Teresa Anderson

-133-

18:00 05/03/2002 

Thank you very much. I feel much better now, knowing that it's nothing sick and perverted.

I actually have an amazing relationship with both my sisters. They are my best friends. Of course, we weren't as close now as we were when the dreams occured, but we were always friends and always got along. We always enjoyed each others' company and always talked.

I should point out that it was never full-on intercourse with my sisters, and never lasted more than a few seconds (or dream seconds).... I feel icky going into details, so I'll leave it at that.

I think I understand your point, though. Perhaps I was becoming closer to my sisters as a friend and a sibling around that time.... maybe that was being reflected in the dream.

Thank you. You've taken a load off my mind.